Where do Babies come from????

Some days I have the most random thoughts in my head!

When I was little I like most girls thought or should I say believed that babies came from a stork(oddly enough when the stork wasn't making babies he was selling pickles). That one day when I was a grown up this big bird would come and drop and little baby off on my porch and I would be a mommy.

As I grew a little older I started to believe a more "romantic" version of where babies came from. That two people met and fell in love, got married and had a baby.

I remember when my mom had "the talk" with me, I was probably about 12 or 13 years old. She said "sit down, we have to talk" so I sat down. She then went on to say "the birds go tweet tweet and the bees go buzz buzz, but it the birds ever start going buzz and the bees start going tweet don't come home because you will be having a serious issue on your hands"(thinking back this might explain why my sister TT got pregnant at 16 years old)

I was so confused and lost on why she was saying this to me and what she meant by it. I had NO IDEA she was "trying" to have the "sex/baby" talk with me. 

Now that I am a parent I often wonder how we will ever explain to our little girl where babies come from. I guess I feel she shouldn't be told or taught these "fairy tales" But I'm not sure the "truth" is something easy to explain.

Do I tell her some people meet fall in love, get married, and make babies with no issues.
Some people meet, fall in love, and need to have the help of a fertility doctor to make babies. 
Some people have to get eggs from another woman to make a baby.
Some woman have to get donor sperm, and some woman have to trust another woman to carry their baby for them.
And some woman adopt a baby that's in need of a mommy to love them.  
And some people will have no trouble getting pregnant, but some might have to take the long road(however this makes you no less a woman than anyone other woman)

Lucky for me our little girl is only 5 months old so we have a LONG time to come up with what to say.
But I hope no matter what we decide to tell her that in the end she understands that it doesn't matter how you become a mommy or how many child you are blessed with it's just a special and beautiful.I also hope she knows we are only given in life what we can handle(even when we feel we are being trusted WAY to much).

If  3 years ago I "understood"  what I now know to be "the truth" of where babies come from and how hard it can sometimes be to get there. I might have not have been so hard on myself when we were struggling to have a baby.

I guess sometimes our life journey has many lesson for us to learn!

Graduation!

I remember my first day of school like it was yesterday. I was so excited and all dressed up and "ready" for the world ahead of me (little did I know then, what the world had in store for me). A fresh new adventure I was a "big kid" well a kindergartener but at that time I thought  I was a grown up.

I remember waiting at the bus stop with my mom, and sisters (remember my family makes a "scene" out of everything) and I was so excited. The bus pulled up (mind you we missed the kindergartener bus, so I had to ride the bus with BT and all the older kids). I got on and then fear set in as I watched out the window and say my mom and 2 sisters crying.
I'm not talking a few tears I'm talking your BFF just died tears (I think this is the day I started having panic attacks).
When I got to school I remember I approached my teacher (with tears in my eyes) and said "Why don't It ever get to go home" she asked what I meant. I then informed her how hard my mom was crying and how it had to be because I wasn't ever going to see her again. My teacher then showed me the clock and explained how I would be home before lunch time (it was only 1/2 day). At that point I replied "Oh, good cause I don't want to miss my soap"(All My Children, isn't that what all kids watch?)

Before I knew it the year was over and I was "Graduating" I though that was the biggest day of my life.

Then time past so fast and I was "Graduating" from Elementary school and off to Jr./Sr High School

Time didn't always go by fast then, with all the challenges and drama high school brings. But as luck would have it (Thanks to the amazing Mrs. G) I was walking the stage and "Graduating" high school(the first in my family). I remember thinking that high school was the biggest challenge I ever faced.

But out of all those "Graduations" none meant as much to me as when I "Graduated" from my fertility clinic. I knew I would "graduate" each time if I put in the time and work. But when it comes to infertility you can work nonstop with all your heart. Read every book, accept every challenge and there's still no guarantee you will ever "graduate".

Just like in school you meet many people and make friends along the way. I cherish each and every friendship I made along the way. We will always have a bond, like soldiers we together fought a war that we only hoped and prayed to survive. Every time I hear a fellow "soldier" "graduated" my heart fills with joy.

Today one of my closest friends "graduated" and I couldn't be happier for her. I admirer her strength and determination. She has faced more challenges than anyone I've ever met but yet she never let it stop her. It might have slowed her down but she still found a way to move forward. I know we were meant to meet. It was by chance that we happened to meet each other at our clinic and right away I knew she would be someone who would forever be in my life. I wouldn't have "graduated" with out her and her support, and I feel honored to know my daughter will know a woman as strong as her. I'm honored to not only be her friend but to be apart of her journey to her "Happily Ever After".

So to my dear friend Congratulations on you Graduation, this post is dedicated to you and all the woman in the world who some days feel graduation is far out of reach. As long as you don't give up you will cross that stage, one way or another.

It's Trash Night!

Have you ever had someone treat you like trash????

I have, once my sister BT was watching myself and AT. It was summer break so she was stuck with us everyday. She was the WORSE babysitter ever but she was cheap (FREE) and that's my dad's favorite 4-letter word.
Well she was suppose to take us to the public pool(shortly after this my parents had a pool put in). But being that she was lazy she took two large trash can put them on the front porch put us each in one and filled them up with water. We spent the day in those trash cans, she even fed us lunch in there. By the time she let us out (10 minutes before my parents got home from work) we were all prune like (you know wrinkly skinned, like when you would stay in the tub too long when you were little)

But that's not the trash I was talking about!

I'm talking about you try and try to be a good, caring person and yet no matter how much you step up people are always there stepping on you. Well I'm over it I'm over being a door mat and being taken for granted. I just don't understand where along the path in life people forgot "The Golden Rule" treat people how you want to be treated.
Unless of course I'm a total fool and missing the whole point? Maybe people want me to treat them like trash?????

Well that won't work for me because I'm a good person. Maybe at one time it would have, maybe when I was younger and foolish and I believed in and eye for and eye. But now, now I know what it feels like to feel you are being punished for past actions.

See I'm what I like to call an "Infertility Survivor" and for a long time I thought my "Fertility Journey" was given to me as punishment. Then one day after 2 LONG years and 9 WONDERFUL months  I gave birth to the greatest blessing in my life. At that point I realized my journey wasn't a punishment but a growing experience. I was given a chance to know true love and desire, experience unwavering endless friendship, and find myself and my faith. So no I can't treat someone like trash!

All I can do is try and not allow them to break me down or my spirit. Maybe if I try to be there for them then one day they too might have a chance to experience just some of the amazing things I did on my journey. See we are all on a journey some bigger than others some more complex than the next but in the end it's a journey. Its our journey and it's important to us.

So try no to allow yourself to be treated like trash, but more importantly try not to treat others like trash. We might be able to change others, but we can change how they effect us!